0oh Lucky ME

more complicated then College math
more bi-polar then this fuckin wealther

how can you speak like the sun didnt set on the wrong side
once the golden poisen flowin through y0ur mind

then flip faster then a co0kin pancake
& lie more then future presidents

Lock away y0ur true emotion so deep
like hidin $1o0,o0o,o0o away from taxes

pride so high that the sun is closer to us
carry your act so strong for Fakez & yourself

you seem still to have one skill down pack
how to get under my skin

Silence to smilez & life speakin to stupidest
guess you shouldnt wait for that battery

[]so i started writin this like 2 dayz ago but neva finish it & now im stock big time . . . itz to0 much in me[]

? Question Mark ?

i would love to write but DAMN my mind is ALL over the place seriously

My pass weekend=

Coronas, Grey Go0se, AC, UnForgetable Time, Camara, Music, Lap Dancez, JACUZZI, Beach,Videoz, . . . .

The week []so far[]

Coronas, Kidz, Papers, Taxes, Loadz, Confusion, Ho0kah, Wordz, Music, . . . .[] still goin []

}{wen i get home i will write like 3 blogz}{

Drained

Drained . . . . (X_x)

1o:12 pm - 11:32 pm []without Havin a On point Beginin it Has a on Point Endin[]

S0 i started writin something bout Love that been sittin on my mind for like 3 dayz now &
i try writing it now but itz like my mind & thouz are blocked by my drama with life & school.
So im sittin here listening to my two fav r&b group [] "CamiLa & Sin Banderas" [] & thinkin bout the past present & future [] yup yup . . .itz one of those dayz []. 0ok ima try to write everything thats in my mind to see if i dont drop died with all this pble thinkin. . . .

Women . . . . ugh i love them & i Hate them
Damn . . . "my ex" & my drama is effectin
everyone around us. & this woman is SO bipoler
[] seriousLy!! [] dont get my wrong i still
care for her & Love her to death
[] & yes there is still some atraction goin on []
shyt we was "together" for like 6 monthz
[] & yes i would still Do her [not a fan of the word
fuck in that way ] she still hot in my eyez[]
we were SO close at one point in time
that it was amazing but like
alwayz everything has its endin
But i HATE THIS drama cuz its gettin in bw me life
& everyone around us that we care & dnt care bout
like for example i met her "bestie"
thats my BesTie ex sister in law []they still are madd ko0l[]
but Shes madd ko0l & we talk here & there but "my ex" feelz
like im tryin to take her friend away from her []which is not the plan[]
so we got to hide our new friendship . . . which i HATE
& i miss "my ex" but then i dont sometimez
i knw she miss me to0 [] which i cant lie it makes me happy that she does[]
but enough with her . . . [x_X]

Now i have this friend that im close to but not
[]yes at the same time[] cuz i distrust my friend
with most thingz sadd to say =/ but true
& it killz me cuz i got to lie with shyt thatzgoin on in my life
& my friendis an awsum person but itz the mouth that im scared of
&& yes this goz back to "my ex" drama -_-
but i love my friend to death & will alwayz be there for my friend

Now in other hand i be came so0 close to "my ex" ro0mie
[] i knw i knw[] last person i shoud be callin BesTie
[] 0oh im so0 scared of that word itz like my heart stopz a beat once it hearz it[]
thatz part of "my ex" drama again [] i knw. . this bitch is every where[]
But i still trust my new BesTie even tho im scared
y0u knw something it felz like im steppin in to a serious relationship LoL
hhmm. . . i guess thatz why i havent been datin nor nothin like that i guess
cuz im scared of open my bo0k of life & heart to my next Lover
them to do what "my ex" isdoin , , , shyt it can even be worst X_x
but i LOve my newBEsTie =] <3

yup therez more lol . . . .

My ex Boyfrnd [] my first love[] is popin in my life again
ugh . . . he came by last week but i was with my BesTie
[] & the funny thing is that we was talkin bout him & i was havin dreamz with him[]
keepy i knw . . . yes i want to see him & see how he's doin but
knowin me ima flip on him on some krazii shyt for leavin the way he did
& ima want answerz & nice & full onez but then itz like damn do i really want to knw the
truth cuz he hurt me enough in the FUCKIN past [] i still have much love for him &no
i wnt do him[] & if i see him itz like im re-open'in that chapter of my life that ended so0
SADD & DEPRESSIN but i want answerz [] damn did i love that guy & he love me to but stupid loved me[] my cuzo & momz want meto lo0k for him cuz i guess hes let in town
but i dnt knw . . . -_-

Fuckin scho0l got me goin krazii i swear
itz like i want to start already & skip this part
ugh . . . . it startz in Augz 28th & we still dont got a place to leave
damn im freakin out seriously

My mother . . . YES my mother
got me goin krazii with the move & askin me if im gay
she HATEZ New York cuz im movin ovr there & cuz of "my ex"
she ask my if im still gay [] duh . . [] but then shez like if y0ur still gay
dnt speak to me ever again dnt cry for me wen i die o_O dnt step ever in this house
tell me if y0u tell y0ur mother that yes your gay after she say that to y0u ??!
but it killz me cuz i juz want to yell it out YES MOM I LIKE WMEN NO MOM I LOVE THEM
but i have to bite my tongue =x

itz krazii how last year i thou it couldnt get worst but shytlo0k at me now
this year been full of Lesbian,fake friendz,Fam, & . . . . .. Drama
im so drain with everything!only if "my ex" & my ex Bestie makez peace with me
shyt would had been wwwaaayyyy easier on me & everyone else
LoL but that will never happen at least from my ex BesTie

thatz it ima stop here cuz i can type FOREVR with all the shyt goin n my head

HaTe

Hate with intensely and passionately
a goal she yearns and will never achieve
wounds over flowed with pain
one at a time hits the right spot
to over flow her eyes with hurt


memories lingers like an annoying fly
making her days despondent
and yet she hasn't achieved her goal
instead she worries if everything is fine
smiles before crying while nostalgia


trying to solve the problem
that owns no solution
feels the pain as if they were one
but only from her side


Hate with intensely and passionately
will be never achieved by her
at least with this nostalgia it wont


but anger that poises her blood cells
every time she try to solve this puzzle
with missing pieces

Juz right!

i want y0u to pull my hair
from the right spot not any spot
No . . . dont kiss me there do it everywhere
yes perfect song

From the couch to the floor
No itz ok scratch me without thinkin twice
girl even bite me as hard as y0u want
dance y0ur way down with a stop in every spot

From the Floor to the dinner table
yes . . . im loving it baby
dont stop intill y0u hear me
moaning & tryin to catch my next breath
while movin a LiL & legz shake
if y0u catch me sayin y0ur name y0ur awsum

From the dinner table to the bed
we're dancin to the beat with no clothing
yes . . . stay right there

Come. . . . .
From the bed to the bathro0m
n0w y0ur next
i love that thing y0u do & that face y0u put
when y0ur tryin to catch y0ur breath &
sayin my name

Marta . . . .
Maaarr ttta

Come & Rest Ova me

i want to rest my lipz on y0urz

while im brushing your long hair throu my fingers

showing you your beautiness

with each kiss on every inch of your soft skin

Eat you like your my favorite dish

SHYT! you are . . . right about this sec

turn your funny spots & others

that neva have been touch

to your passionate spot

Remember them Butterflyz that you feel

with each Look & touch we share

well ima make them fly out your mouth

after im done with you

i want you to get wet of me

once i touch your main spot

i have given you a free ticket to the moon

as i see you goin so high

it well drive me wild & straight to you

0o0h shyt !! . . . . now im wet of you

once we land

we will share another kiss

that will start it all over again

mmmm . . . .

Next Morning

i rest my eyez and mind
so i woundnt feel the same by the next sunrise
i fell deep deep into a dream that
look like and felt like reality
so much like reality that my mind
refuses to remember by this time
i slept between someone arms
and joke around here, there and in the morning
to see if the pain falls off my skin
but yet i still am cryin deep inside
pretendin pretendin looks so far for today
i feel anger for myself
and for him but at him
im puttin him between two movin walls
that if i juz walk alway they automatically will STOP
yet i dont cuz itz not understandable how close
we gotten in six month and im scared
yes scared cuz he mite turn around like they did
scared of that 5 letter word . . . . TRUST
i dont want to hand it away like gum anymore
my life went from drama free
to like one of them bad movies
that never seem to end
i hear my mother yelling in the back of my head
"MARTA YOU TOo NICE . . . DONT TRUST FRIENDS LIKE FAM
which is true . . . well at least most of it . . .
cuz famz give me there back as well
im all of the place and with no stop anytime soon
saddly . . . .