?!?!?

. . . . . .

who knws??

cuz shyt i dont!!

By: Marta o_O (i think)

The Mouth oF *August*

August started wit 2 enemies becoming secret Friends

which means more secrets we breathe

drama in near future

School,Bank,papers & apartment

had me/us all over the place

yet I'm two steps away of beginning my NEW life

it scares me to Death!

i Hate the beginning of starting a NEW school alone!

everything feels so right that's there

has to be a BAD about 2 Boom!!

any sec!!!

I Love you . . . yes i Do LOve Her

Yes Marta said it

But WAIT!!

b4 y0u think that way I LOve HEr

the way i Love y0u & those other

So no i dnt see it in that way anymore

& no we haven't done it again

But if . . .

IF!! we do it'll stay in the same wit Her & i

You heLp make me

your cellz are runin thro mine

but you sit there

dnt help someone thatz part of you

Yet!!

you stand & give anything to them

For a 2 sec of FUN!

HoE

i think i want to become

weLL at least something aLong the line

But no one approve

Of these step im followin to pain Less

i choice not to be under the same speLL

with anyone eLse . . . at least for NOW!!

HoE?!?!

GirL no Boy with GirLsh as weLL

Thatz Me

0oh Lucky ME

more complicated then College math
more bi-polar then this fuckin wealther

how can you speak like the sun didnt set on the wrong side
once the golden poisen flowin through y0ur mind

then flip faster then a co0kin pancake
& lie more then future presidents

Lock away y0ur true emotion so deep
like hidin $1o0,o0o,o0o away from taxes

pride so high that the sun is closer to us
carry your act so strong for Fakez & yourself

you seem still to have one skill down pack
how to get under my skin

Silence to smilez & life speakin to stupidest
guess you shouldnt wait for that battery

[]so i started writin this like 2 dayz ago but neva finish it & now im stock big time . . . itz to0 much in me[]

? Question Mark ?

i would love to write but DAMN my mind is ALL over the place seriously

My pass weekend=

Coronas, Grey Go0se, AC, UnForgetable Time, Camara, Music, Lap Dancez, JACUZZI, Beach,Videoz, . . . .

The week []so far[]

Coronas, Kidz, Papers, Taxes, Loadz, Confusion, Ho0kah, Wordz, Music, . . . .[] still goin []

}{wen i get home i will write like 3 blogz}{

Drained

Drained . . . . (X_x)

1o:12 pm - 11:32 pm []without Havin a On point Beginin it Has a on Point Endin[]

S0 i started writin something bout Love that been sittin on my mind for like 3 dayz now &
i try writing it now but itz like my mind & thouz are blocked by my drama with life & school.
So im sittin here listening to my two fav r&b group [] "CamiLa & Sin Banderas" [] & thinkin bout the past present & future [] yup yup . . .itz one of those dayz []. 0ok ima try to write everything thats in my mind to see if i dont drop died with all this pble thinkin. . . .

Women . . . . ugh i love them & i Hate them
Damn . . . "my ex" & my drama is effectin
everyone around us. & this woman is SO bipoler
[] seriousLy!! [] dont get my wrong i still
care for her & Love her to death
[] & yes there is still some atraction goin on []
shyt we was "together" for like 6 monthz
[] & yes i would still Do her [not a fan of the word
fuck in that way ] she still hot in my eyez[]
we were SO close at one point in time
that it was amazing but like
alwayz everything has its endin
But i HATE THIS drama cuz its gettin in bw me life
& everyone around us that we care & dnt care bout
like for example i met her "bestie"
thats my BesTie ex sister in law []they still are madd ko0l[]
but Shes madd ko0l & we talk here & there but "my ex" feelz
like im tryin to take her friend away from her []which is not the plan[]
so we got to hide our new friendship . . . which i HATE
& i miss "my ex" but then i dont sometimez
i knw she miss me to0 [] which i cant lie it makes me happy that she does[]
but enough with her . . . [x_X]

Now i have this friend that im close to but not
[]yes at the same time[] cuz i distrust my friend
with most thingz sadd to say =/ but true
& it killz me cuz i got to lie with shyt thatzgoin on in my life
& my friendis an awsum person but itz the mouth that im scared of
&& yes this goz back to "my ex" drama -_-
but i love my friend to death & will alwayz be there for my friend

Now in other hand i be came so0 close to "my ex" ro0mie
[] i knw i knw[] last person i shoud be callin BesTie
[] 0oh im so0 scared of that word itz like my heart stopz a beat once it hearz it[]
thatz part of "my ex" drama again [] i knw. . this bitch is every where[]
But i still trust my new BesTie even tho im scared
y0u knw something it felz like im steppin in to a serious relationship LoL
hhmm. . . i guess thatz why i havent been datin nor nothin like that i guess
cuz im scared of open my bo0k of life & heart to my next Lover
them to do what "my ex" isdoin , , , shyt it can even be worst X_x
but i LOve my newBEsTie =] <3

yup therez more lol . . . .

My ex Boyfrnd [] my first love[] is popin in my life again
ugh . . . he came by last week but i was with my BesTie
[] & the funny thing is that we was talkin bout him & i was havin dreamz with him[]
keepy i knw . . . yes i want to see him & see how he's doin but
knowin me ima flip on him on some krazii shyt for leavin the way he did
& ima want answerz & nice & full onez but then itz like damn do i really want to knw the
truth cuz he hurt me enough in the FUCKIN past [] i still have much love for him &no
i wnt do him[] & if i see him itz like im re-open'in that chapter of my life that ended so0
SADD & DEPRESSIN but i want answerz [] damn did i love that guy & he love me to but stupid loved me[] my cuzo & momz want meto lo0k for him cuz i guess hes let in town
but i dnt knw . . . -_-

Fuckin scho0l got me goin krazii i swear
itz like i want to start already & skip this part
ugh . . . . it startz in Augz 28th & we still dont got a place to leave
damn im freakin out seriously

My mother . . . YES my mother
got me goin krazii with the move & askin me if im gay
she HATEZ New York cuz im movin ovr there & cuz of "my ex"
she ask my if im still gay [] duh . . [] but then shez like if y0ur still gay
dnt speak to me ever again dnt cry for me wen i die o_O dnt step ever in this house
tell me if y0u tell y0ur mother that yes your gay after she say that to y0u ??!
but it killz me cuz i juz want to yell it out YES MOM I LIKE WMEN NO MOM I LOVE THEM
but i have to bite my tongue =x

itz krazii how last year i thou it couldnt get worst but shytlo0k at me now
this year been full of Lesbian,fake friendz,Fam, & . . . . .. Drama
im so drain with everything!only if "my ex" & my ex Bestie makez peace with me
shyt would had been wwwaaayyyy easier on me & everyone else
LoL but that will never happen at least from my ex BesTie

thatz it ima stop here cuz i can type FOREVR with all the shyt goin n my head

HaTe

Hate with intensely and passionately
a goal she yearns and will never achieve
wounds over flowed with pain
one at a time hits the right spot
to over flow her eyes with hurt


memories lingers like an annoying fly
making her days despondent
and yet she hasn't achieved her goal
instead she worries if everything is fine
smiles before crying while nostalgia


trying to solve the problem
that owns no solution
feels the pain as if they were one
but only from her side


Hate with intensely and passionately
will be never achieved by her
at least with this nostalgia it wont


but anger that poises her blood cells
every time she try to solve this puzzle
with missing pieces