?!?!?

. . . . . .

who knws??

cuz shyt i dont!!

By: Marta o_O (i think)

The Mouth oF *August*

August started wit 2 enemies becoming secret Friends

which means more secrets we breathe

drama in near future

School,Bank,papers & apartment

had me/us all over the place

yet I'm two steps away of beginning my NEW life

it scares me to Death!

i Hate the beginning of starting a NEW school alone!

everything feels so right that's there

has to be a BAD about 2 Boom!!

any sec!!!

I Love you . . . yes i Do LOve Her

Yes Marta said it

But WAIT!!

b4 y0u think that way I LOve HEr

the way i Love y0u & those other

So no i dnt see it in that way anymore

& no we haven't done it again

But if . . .

IF!! we do it'll stay in the same wit Her & i

You heLp make me

your cellz are runin thro mine

but you sit there

dnt help someone thatz part of you

Yet!!

you stand & give anything to them

For a 2 sec of FUN!

HoE

i think i want to become

weLL at least something aLong the line

But no one approve

Of these step im followin to pain Less

i choice not to be under the same speLL

with anyone eLse . . . at least for NOW!!

HoE?!?!

GirL no Boy with GirLsh as weLL

Thatz Me

0oh Lucky ME

more complicated then College math
more bi-polar then this fuckin wealther

how can you speak like the sun didnt set on the wrong side
once the golden poisen flowin through y0ur mind

then flip faster then a co0kin pancake
& lie more then future presidents

Lock away y0ur true emotion so deep
like hidin $1o0,o0o,o0o away from taxes

pride so high that the sun is closer to us
carry your act so strong for Fakez & yourself

you seem still to have one skill down pack
how to get under my skin

Silence to smilez & life speakin to stupidest
guess you shouldnt wait for that battery

[]so i started writin this like 2 dayz ago but neva finish it & now im stock big time . . . itz to0 much in me[]

? Question Mark ?

i would love to write but DAMN my mind is ALL over the place seriously

My pass weekend=

Coronas, Grey Go0se, AC, UnForgetable Time, Camara, Music, Lap Dancez, JACUZZI, Beach,Videoz, . . . .

The week []so far[]

Coronas, Kidz, Papers, Taxes, Loadz, Confusion, Ho0kah, Wordz, Music, . . . .[] still goin []

}{wen i get home i will write like 3 blogz}{

Drained

Drained . . . . (X_x)

1o:12 pm - 11:32 pm []without Havin a On point Beginin it Has a on Point Endin[]

S0 i started writin something bout Love that been sittin on my mind for like 3 dayz now &
i try writing it now but itz like my mind & thouz are blocked by my drama with life & school.
So im sittin here listening to my two fav r&b group [] "CamiLa & Sin Banderas" [] & thinkin bout the past present & future [] yup yup . . .itz one of those dayz []. 0ok ima try to write everything thats in my mind to see if i dont drop died with all this pble thinkin. . . .

Women . . . . ugh i love them & i Hate them
Damn . . . "my ex" & my drama is effectin
everyone around us. & this woman is SO bipoler
[] seriousLy!! [] dont get my wrong i still
care for her & Love her to death
[] & yes there is still some atraction goin on []
shyt we was "together" for like 6 monthz
[] & yes i would still Do her [not a fan of the word
fuck in that way ] she still hot in my eyez[]
we were SO close at one point in time
that it was amazing but like
alwayz everything has its endin
But i HATE THIS drama cuz its gettin in bw me life
& everyone around us that we care & dnt care bout
like for example i met her "bestie"
thats my BesTie ex sister in law []they still are madd ko0l[]
but Shes madd ko0l & we talk here & there but "my ex" feelz
like im tryin to take her friend away from her []which is not the plan[]
so we got to hide our new friendship . . . which i HATE
& i miss "my ex" but then i dont sometimez
i knw she miss me to0 [] which i cant lie it makes me happy that she does[]
but enough with her . . . [x_X]

Now i have this friend that im close to but not
[]yes at the same time[] cuz i distrust my friend
with most thingz sadd to say =/ but true
& it killz me cuz i got to lie with shyt thatzgoin on in my life
& my friendis an awsum person but itz the mouth that im scared of
&& yes this goz back to "my ex" drama -_-
but i love my friend to death & will alwayz be there for my friend

Now in other hand i be came so0 close to "my ex" ro0mie
[] i knw i knw[] last person i shoud be callin BesTie
[] 0oh im so0 scared of that word itz like my heart stopz a beat once it hearz it[]
thatz part of "my ex" drama again [] i knw. . this bitch is every where[]
But i still trust my new BesTie even tho im scared
y0u knw something it felz like im steppin in to a serious relationship LoL
hhmm. . . i guess thatz why i havent been datin nor nothin like that i guess
cuz im scared of open my bo0k of life & heart to my next Lover
them to do what "my ex" isdoin , , , shyt it can even be worst X_x
but i LOve my newBEsTie =] <3

yup therez more lol . . . .

My ex Boyfrnd [] my first love[] is popin in my life again
ugh . . . he came by last week but i was with my BesTie
[] & the funny thing is that we was talkin bout him & i was havin dreamz with him[]
keepy i knw . . . yes i want to see him & see how he's doin but
knowin me ima flip on him on some krazii shyt for leavin the way he did
& ima want answerz & nice & full onez but then itz like damn do i really want to knw the
truth cuz he hurt me enough in the FUCKIN past [] i still have much love for him &no
i wnt do him[] & if i see him itz like im re-open'in that chapter of my life that ended so0
SADD & DEPRESSIN but i want answerz [] damn did i love that guy & he love me to but stupid loved me[] my cuzo & momz want meto lo0k for him cuz i guess hes let in town
but i dnt knw . . . -_-

Fuckin scho0l got me goin krazii i swear
itz like i want to start already & skip this part
ugh . . . . it startz in Augz 28th & we still dont got a place to leave
damn im freakin out seriously

My mother . . . YES my mother
got me goin krazii with the move & askin me if im gay
she HATEZ New York cuz im movin ovr there & cuz of "my ex"
she ask my if im still gay [] duh . . [] but then shez like if y0ur still gay
dnt speak to me ever again dnt cry for me wen i die o_O dnt step ever in this house
tell me if y0u tell y0ur mother that yes your gay after she say that to y0u ??!
but it killz me cuz i juz want to yell it out YES MOM I LIKE WMEN NO MOM I LOVE THEM
but i have to bite my tongue =x

itz krazii how last year i thou it couldnt get worst but shytlo0k at me now
this year been full of Lesbian,fake friendz,Fam, & . . . . .. Drama
im so drain with everything!only if "my ex" & my ex Bestie makez peace with me
shyt would had been wwwaaayyyy easier on me & everyone else
LoL but that will never happen at least from my ex BesTie

thatz it ima stop here cuz i can type FOREVR with all the shyt goin n my head

HaTe

Hate with intensely and passionately
a goal she yearns and will never achieve
wounds over flowed with pain
one at a time hits the right spot
to over flow her eyes with hurt


memories lingers like an annoying fly
making her days despondent
and yet she hasn't achieved her goal
instead she worries if everything is fine
smiles before crying while nostalgia


trying to solve the problem
that owns no solution
feels the pain as if they were one
but only from her side


Hate with intensely and passionately
will be never achieved by her
at least with this nostalgia it wont


but anger that poises her blood cells
every time she try to solve this puzzle
with missing pieces

Juz right!

i want y0u to pull my hair
from the right spot not any spot
No . . . dont kiss me there do it everywhere
yes perfect song

From the couch to the floor
No itz ok scratch me without thinkin twice
girl even bite me as hard as y0u want
dance y0ur way down with a stop in every spot

From the Floor to the dinner table
yes . . . im loving it baby
dont stop intill y0u hear me
moaning & tryin to catch my next breath
while movin a LiL & legz shake
if y0u catch me sayin y0ur name y0ur awsum

From the dinner table to the bed
we're dancin to the beat with no clothing
yes . . . stay right there

Come. . . . .
From the bed to the bathro0m
n0w y0ur next
i love that thing y0u do & that face y0u put
when y0ur tryin to catch y0ur breath &
sayin my name

Marta . . . .
Maaarr ttta

Come & Rest Ova me

i want to rest my lipz on y0urz

while im brushing your long hair throu my fingers

showing you your beautiness

with each kiss on every inch of your soft skin

Eat you like your my favorite dish

SHYT! you are . . . right about this sec

turn your funny spots & others

that neva have been touch

to your passionate spot

Remember them Butterflyz that you feel

with each Look & touch we share

well ima make them fly out your mouth

after im done with you

i want you to get wet of me

once i touch your main spot

i have given you a free ticket to the moon

as i see you goin so high

it well drive me wild & straight to you

0o0h shyt !! . . . . now im wet of you

once we land

we will share another kiss

that will start it all over again

mmmm . . . .

Next Morning

i rest my eyez and mind
so i woundnt feel the same by the next sunrise
i fell deep deep into a dream that
look like and felt like reality
so much like reality that my mind
refuses to remember by this time
i slept between someone arms
and joke around here, there and in the morning
to see if the pain falls off my skin
but yet i still am cryin deep inside
pretendin pretendin looks so far for today
i feel anger for myself
and for him but at him
im puttin him between two movin walls
that if i juz walk alway they automatically will STOP
yet i dont cuz itz not understandable how close
we gotten in six month and im scared
yes scared cuz he mite turn around like they did
scared of that 5 letter word . . . . TRUST
i dont want to hand it away like gum anymore
my life went from drama free
to like one of them bad movies
that never seem to end
i hear my mother yelling in the back of my head
"MARTA YOU TOo NICE . . . DONT TRUST FRIENDS LIKE FAM
which is true . . . well at least most of it . . .
cuz famz give me there back as well
im all of the place and with no stop anytime soon
saddly . . . .

SpeLL

It all started confronting our truth

a fresh year, a new day

but the Sky was dark

& Starz as bright as they can be

didnt really get to see it

but i felted it

Our first Lo0k Froze in time

follow by a shared smile

Hi's, w0w'z & omg'z

Flu throu our eyes & laughter

that blend in wit the air

that at the time we shared wit them 3

Once we shared it wit One

& kept drinking poisen

we tired movin wit the Rhythm

wit a surprised our hips fit perfectly

that from one lo0k
from Hips to eyes . . . well a paused at Lipz

wit in the next breath we kissed

wait but this cant be & steped bck

onLy for a second that was

cuz it was like the music notes

linked up to a rope around us

that became like a spell

A Spell that to0k over us

once the music played &

our body heat sense one another

we traveled to our own planet

Moved & touch like we were alone

& if one didnt wake up the other

0oh . . . Shyt would had gotten pretty

well at least for us

See our dancing was like our forplay

the guys loved to see & girls turned green of jealousy

Once we shared the air

only wit one another

i gived my bck cuz this couldnt be

but the music started playin &

she as while as i wanted answer

So we shared our thouz,truth &

the lie that stood between us

but the lie wasnt as strong as the spell

at the end it didnt all work out well

at least for now . . .

Now we live our separate lifes

but doesnt mean the spell has come to an end

Blank

i feel . . . .

• empty


• confuse


• lost sad


• mad


• happy


• jealous


• worried


• scared


• blank

itz krazy that i cant write out what i feel & that alwayz help but not at this moment -_-

My soul tryz to scream for help but my fake smile turn it to laughter [guessin itz best] =-x

MuSic

So im listenin to my new iPod/iPhone [^_^]

& i upload all the songs [78o] my sister had on the Ladtop

by mistake & i hit a song that to0k me bck to 2o03

0oh what a year that was & the followin

so0 this song to0k me bck into the time

of my first LoVe [how gay . . . i know]

can y0u believe that i was tearing

not quite sure why i was

as the tear drops fall from my eye

& dance its way down my face

i froze in nostalgic time & was havin

flash bckz all krazy to the first time we lock eyes

to the time we last share thoughs which was 20o7 [in the begining]

this mite sound werid . . .

but it felt go0d when i was crying o_0

i know i dont understand it as while

i would like to hear from him again

juz to know how he's doing & to tell him that

the girl he's wit better be making him happy

But see he's not the only person that comes to mind

once i hear a song that makes me travel

itz like there name is next to the song title

->Aventura-te Amo -Maria<- [ex.]

& itz only 3 people that do that to me

the questioning that was flying throu my thou

is this a bad thing 0_o ???

cuz for those 3:o0 min. & so of the song

my mind is working on that person

Miss Popular

Everything was going OK [i guess]

intiL the wake up txt hit my eyes

that quickly flow to my soul

Here we going . . . She told me this & he said y0u said this

Are y0u serious?! 0_o Like y0u got to be bugging

Spoke to 3 GIrLz that are involed with kid shyt

& the She person is still a unknown

Waiting on another girl that said shez invoLed as whiLe -_-

This all started at 11:o0 o'cLock am & itz 7:40 o'cLock pm

& shyt just have been getting worst

& beLieve it will get UGLYER [unwillingly]

But thatz life . . . [right???]

With in 2 weeks in this month

i already Deleted to "friends" no not off Myspace nor FaceBo0k

Out my Life for go0d

& onLy 1 of them Hurted to let go

Know i ask myself . . .

is all my friendships only seasonal 0_o

I have lost friendships that lasted 5 years & more

& 1 that was very special to me

for the same she said this & She said y0u said this

Those that are still here & the new 1z that yet havent walk my path

Are they seasonal . . . is it anytime so0n when our friendships

come to a end & yall start Hating me 0_o as well?

Sex

i was watching this movie named "Love Sick" [true story] it was about a woman that was addicted to sex. She was married & been with her husband for 5 years, the hold time they are together she slept with over 1o0 men [mosts more then once]. it made her feel Loved,numd,full & feel like a go0d girl. She alwayz felt bad before walking in the Hotel & walking in her house after "making Love".

This moive to0k me back to a conversation i had with two of my friends [almost a year ago]. They didnt know if they were addicked to sex or if they are [was] normal?! So . . . they asked me o_0 [how should i know right] but i sat & thought about it & just got confused. Because im a person that can live without stressing about sex. Now im not saying that it isnt go0d [bcuz we all know it is] but lo0k i was on a sex diet [LoL . . . yeah believe it] for a year & it wasnt easy nor the less hard, it was more about control then anything. i haven been sexless since May 17,20o8 [the day of my birthday party] & trust me i havent had a orgasmon seen then nor have i tried. My friends & family dont understand why i did it & to tell y0u the truth i dont have a straight answer for that question. All i know is that i did it bcuz i needed time for myself,try to understand myself a lil better [then what i do already] & to watch everyone else in there romance happiness & saddness. Now its May 27,2o09 & im fine [yeah yeah of coruse i have my horny Days but i learned how to control it]. It Funny how people though i was going to die or something [LoL] but

im off my diet now & not in a rush to do it & if i was ill would had felt

as it was a waist of time.

So back to the question my friends asked me that day, the reason i got confused was bcuz these things was running through my mind --> one night stands, Love, flirtation, scared, one person, passion, sex, affection, Love making , faithful, & . . . . [& so on] but the thing is are y0u having sex for the affection, bcuz y0u want to feel loved, y0u fear being alone or bcuz it makes y0u feel different but a go0d different?!? So which one of these say your addicted to sex??

How about . . . . maybe all or none o_0 this i do know everyone is different & have our own unique way of handling thing. i don't believe they were [are] addicted to sex. They just like it & maybe felt lonely at the time.

CT VaCa

So i went to CT [from Sunday to Monday afterno0n] with my friend, her parent & her Baby sister. i had a blast, everyone was nice to me like if i was part of the family. But the most part i like of the trip was feeling like i was in a full family with both parents. Laughing,sharing old stories, looking out for each other [it was kool to live that way]. i have both parents in my life but my dad live in DR & i use to see him every summer [i havent went for almost 4 years already]. But even if i would had still been going every summer its not the same bcuz when we all go to DR we never have family time [like both parents,me , my sister & brother] anymore bcuz he's always to busy now. At first it was a lil weird but then i started liking the time i spent with her & her parents.

i learned alot about my friend [more then what i already knew] bcuz her momz kept telling me baby stories of her that made my friend blush all krazy [her face will turn red LoL -kuTe]. 0oh. . . & my friend is a drama Queen LoL now i know where she gets it from [her momz LoL] but shes not as bad as my friend [but i still heart her] even tho she hit the wrong step a couple times.

CT was Fun & all but i will never live the i guess bcuz im to use to the city [its a nice place to get away & get reLax] =]

First One

HoLa [Hi]

ok . . . so i thought of doing this a couple times but when i was about to create one i always ended saying ugh . . . but for some reason i did it today. i dnt know if its bcuz i been having more then the usably in my mind or i just want to write my thought bcuz i notice it helps with my stress =].

But anywho yall are welcome to leave me comments if y0u like.

Ima be posting anything that been running back & forward in my mind and things that happen to me that day or week [spot light moment only - of course]

. . LaTerz . .